Chatbots and Teens... What's not being talked about but parents need to know.

Staying on top of teen device use can feel like a game of "wac a mol".

And teens creating virtual "people" to interact with online for advice, friendship and sexual exploration is one of the latest concerns.

But before you shut this email to google where to buy a "dumb" phone and how to put up website restrictions...

...there's something else really important at play you need to know about.

There's a fundamental human need that drives the use of AI chatbots for personal use.

It's the need for relationship.

Google can give us information.

Chatbots listen and respond.

Chatbots learn about us, what we like and don't like.

Chatbots are a poor substitute for human connection, but their use by teens is a sign of their desire for this connection.

All humans have a basic need to feel seen, safe, secure and soothed.

This essential human need is sought first from a parent (or primary carer).

And this need does not stop during adolescence.

There's an unfortunate misconception that teens don't want to be told what to do, don't care and are impulsive and not thoughtful.

The rapid growth of chatbots is proving this untrue.

Teens want wise and caring advice that will help them through life.

They want relationships that make them feel good about themselves.

They want to explore ideas, experiences and make mistakes without feeling judged.

But I know sometimes it really doesn't feel that way in your household.

When your teen rolls their eyes, shuts down, tells you that you don't understand, or won't look up from their phone to share their day, it can leave you scratching your head thinking maybe they really don't want a close relationship with you...

But despite these outward behaviours their underlying needs from you are the same...

To be seen, safe, soothed and secure.

And these are not just needs of your teen.

You need these too.

When you're exhausted by the nagging to get them off their phone...

frustrated you have to yell to get them to the dinner table...

...and just so exhausted by work, life, and caring for others...

...a gentle, kind, understanding connection with someone who "gets it" helps you feel seen in your struggle...

...which makes the load feel a little lighter.

In your parenting challenges you may have gone to chat gpt for advice because of fear of other parent's judgement, or lack of knowledge.

But chat gpt is no replacement for a human that sees your struggles and soothes your emotions in a way that feels safe and secure rather than criticised or judged.

In this ever changing world where new threats seem to be around every IRL (in real life) and virtual corner... we all need humans to remind us that together we can support each other and get through.

Over the past week I have had parents emailing me their questions and concerns parenting their teen.

There's been a common thread throughout.

As one parent put it...I just want to know I can get through this with my daughter.

Whatever challenge you are facing this week with your teen know you are not alone and a real human has written this email to you to say...

You're not alone.

You are seen and valued....

...And if you have read to the end of this I know you are doing the best you can for your teen.

p.s. With AI tools improving so rapidly I've put a lot of thought into how I use AI to communicate publically. While I could save 1-2hrs a week by using AI to write my content, I have purposely decided not to use AI to write for me. I believe the world needs more human connection not less. It is my heart to support as many families with teens that I can. My heart, words and humanity are in every email and presentation I write.