Teen school reluctance: What to do when your teen doesn't want to go to school.
You wake up and it starts again.
Your teen doesn’t want to get out of bed for school — and no matter what you say, it doesn’t seem to make them happy.
The anxiety. The bargaining. The arguments.
They yell at you or silently glare and withdraw because you tell them they have to go to school.
If this is you, I just want to say: you’re not alone.
More than 1 in 3 parents now say their child has experienced school refusal in the past year.
This is no longer a "rare" problem.
It’s something thousands of families are facing — quietly, painfully — behind closed doors.
If you’ve been waking up dreading the battles, the tears, or the silence, I want you to know...
You’re parenting in one of the most challenging times we've seen, and your struggles are valid.
Mornings spent bargaining and cajoling, laying down the rules and trying to get them to think on the bright side are heartbreaking and frustrating.
But what’s even harder is feeling like nothing you try is helping.
The growth mindset tools, breathing, relaxation and gratefulness strategies are not only not working, but backfiring and causing arguments.
Why is this?
Is it because this generation of teens are less resilient and complain more?
Is it because parents are too fragile and accommodating of their children?
I don't think so.
From what I’ve seen when working with parents neither of these statements are true (and are likely the result of the fundamental attribution bias that I have written about elsewhere).
There’s something much more important that we need to focus on if we are to help teens get to school…
That is…
👉 Most of the time, school refusal isn’t really about school.
When we focus only on “getting them to go” we miss helping teens to solve the actual problem they are facing.
The problem isn’t school.
It’s about what’s underneath.
Anxiety, fear of failure, overwhelm, friendship struggles, burnout, sensory overwhelm, learning difficulties, family stress, fear of loss, health fears, health difficulties, physical pain and emotional exhaustion are just the beginning of a long list of possible reasons your teen doesn’t want to go to school.
Helping your teen is not about reading more articles to become an expert on all the reasons for school refusal.
It's also not about "toughening you both up."
It’s about getting to really know your teen, learning what’s inside their mind and body, and working with them to work through difficulties (not solving problems for them or putting pressure on them to “get over it”).
Here to help,
p.s. If you’re tired, stressed and frustrated navigating when and how to push them, you don't have to figure this out alone. Later this month I'm holding a new specialised training for parents about Teen School Reluctance to help you improve calm in your household and bring back Monday morning ease without "giving in” or ignoring the problem. More info is here.
This training is for you if you have ever had a morning when your teen doesn’t want to go to school whether this has been a rare occasion or every day, and whether they have managed to get to school or not the same strategies apply.
There’s a path forward.
