Teen Swearing: A Controversial view from a Clinical Psychologist

You'd probably always assumed your teen would start swearing among their friends from time to time.

And you thought if they ever swore in front of you a firm talking to would stop the swearing.

But for many families it's not working that way.

Whether it's happening in your house right now or not...

Many more teens are swearing at, or around, their parents.

Parents ask their teen to get off their device....and receive a "No you F*** B*****" instead.

Teens get in the car and their sibling looks at them and they tell them to "F" off.

Teens can't find their headphones, drop something, or their clothes don't sit right and they swear under their breath.

While there are many people who want to point the finger at bad parenting being the cause of the increase in swearing in teens...I don't think that's true.

And that's because I know there's swearing like this happening in households with fantastic parents who know how to hold the line, have clear expectations, and consequences.

The parents I speak with feel an immense amount of shame their teen is talking to them that way.

So if it's not parents...is it devices?

I'm a bit controversial on that point too.

Blaming devices and screens is also not the whole picture...

And more importantly yelling at a teen that they're addicted to their device often increases the swearing not decreases it.

So what's happening?

Swearing is often a sign of heightened emotions.

Teens are more emotional than children or adults (their brains and hormones make it that way).

Teens today are facing more emotional challenges than previous generations.

The first place to start with understanding your teen's swearing...(or preventing it escalating to there) is to curiously start to understand their emotions.

When they swear at you about not getting off their device...get curious about what they were doing on there and their why.

When they swear at their sibling for looking at them...get curious about why they don't want to be looked at.

When they swear under their breath for losing something...get curious about what else might have happened that day that has shortened their fuse.

I know that swearing is getting in the way of the close relationship you would like with your teen.

The calm, close relationship you want with your teen is possible.

You don't have to live with swearing.

The change you wants starts with curiosity, listening and gently coaching your teen toward behaviour change.