Parenting Teens - why a thought through approach is necessary

I'm writing this Parent Thinking Space email to you from the Blue Mountains outside of Sydney while on a business retreat for one.

Yep.

On my own for 3 days to write, plan and prepare for all that's coming up in my businesses and family this year.

Last week I was in the brain fog snotty discomfort of the latest virus to hit Sydney, while hearing of concerning events overseas, working out how to get the dog with an allegry to the vet, comforting one daughter home sick with me, and the other in the throws of school assessments, while laughing (and crying) watching reels of mums phoning for "parental sick days" and having "leave declined".

But today.

Calm on my own, I have had the time to journal, write, reflect and plan and it feels good.

In the busyness and challenges of life and family it's hard to find the time to reflect.

We are often in action mode tackling each challenge as it comes and putting one step in front of the other.

But neglecting to reflect and plan in life is like a boat in a storm losing sight of it's destination.

It might still be upright and sailing...but where's it really going?

Are you parenting from a place of purpose and clarity...

Or reaction and impulse?

Parenting your teen is one of the most important things you will do in life.

Yet many of us wing it most of the time...

...focusing on what's in front of us, trying to enforce rules and boundaries, be a "good parent", and hoping things don't get worse.

But the result of this approach is often repeated arguments over device rules, chores and shoes that are left at the front door (again!).

While you are madly playing parent whac-a-mole (trying to get on top of one challenge while another is rearing it's head behind you)...

You're teen is refusing to listen, telling you not to nag them, exploding or huffing and walking to their room.

It's time for some perspective.

Some thinking time.

The challenges you face as a modern day parent are tough.

They require learning and planning to get through them well.

Your relationship with your teen is a key ingredient to the influence you have on them.

Your relationship teaches them.

Soothes them.

Protects them when they are in danger.

But as schedules get busy and teenagers grow and change, there are many challenges that get in the way of connecting with them.

True connection arises comes from calm understanding.

•  Understanding them (who they are, their strengths, what lights them up).
•  Understering their lives (their relationships, their school work, their day to day).
•  Understanding their challenges (their emotions, their brain, their hurt).

When you understand these things well, the discussions about devices, chores and shoes go better...

The eye rolls make sense and feel less of a challenge...

And you know what to do to get things back on track more quickly when things go off the rails.

It takes time.

Yes and it can feel like it's hard to find the time.

But planned action is always better than crisis management.

The reality is... It's taking your time already.

And it's not always feeling that great.

But I know you want good time with your kids before they are old enough to move out.

The first step is to get intentional about making planned time, showing up to those times in the right headspace, and building the family life of calm and connection you want.