The ? My Therapist asked me

I clearly remember sitting in my therapist’s office unable to answer.

What do I want?

I used to always know what I wanted.

But somewhere between studies and babies I had lost something.

It’d been so long since I’d had a day to myself, I didn’t know what I wanted.

Everyone was telling me that “me time” was important.

But doing things for myself didn’t bring the relaxed feeling I had hoped for.

It brought up

• Guilt…should I be spending my time and money this way?
• Fear of being judged for not being “productive” with my day.
• Worry that “me time” was a self-indulgent idea that might make me selfish.

But I’ve learned “me time” is not just an optional extra.

It’s vital for

the health of your relationships
the health of your body
your mental health
and preventing future “empty nest” depression and anxiety.

Without time for yourself, there’s also resentment that erodes relationships.

Initially it shows itself as frustration that your teen hasn’t packed the dishwasher…

…but can build over time as you watch everyone else in your family get to do what they want.

And some of the reason why there’s conflict in your household over cleaning up is not because of their arguing or scrolling

…but because they have something you want more of.

More freedom, more rest, more exercise, more choice, more voice, less responsibility.

These needs are vital for all humans.

It’s okay that they want to rest…

But it doesn’t have to be at your expense.

You matter too.

But the key to getting the calm and connection you want with your teen starts with you.

Not just a few deep breaths now and then when they roll their eyes at you.

But actually allowing yourself to explore and answer the question “What do you want?”

Middle age is a pressured time with many stresses and care demands.

Aging parents, emotional teens, financial pressures, health difficulties and friends in crisis can lead to a sense of constant reactivity.

But it’s also a period of growth.

Not just for your teens but for you.

Take the time for yourself.

It’s not selfish, it’s your investment in yourself, your family and your future.

Many parents of teens feel like they don’t have the time for this type of reflection.

Take the time, it’s worth it.