The problem with common approaches to school refusal…
If you have a child who has refused school at any point then you have probably heard the following advice.
Turn off the wifi.
Make home less fun.
Give them chores to do.
Create a step by step return to school plan.
But throwing strategies like these at a school refusal problem is like randomly trying numbers on a keylock and hoping it opens.
Only the right combination in the right order opens a lock.
Only the right strategies in the right order will unlock your child’s difficulties attending school.
The strategies you use with your teen need to match their actual problem.
Where the problem with school attendance is being caused by gaming addiction, then turning off home wifi may help…
But if the problem is the result of Autism burnout from sensory overload and stress navigating the complexities of Year 9 friendships…
…then turning off the wifi and making home less fun may not shift very much at all.
The key to helping your teen overcome school refusal is to understand the cause of their problem and then work together to implement strategies to help them resolve the cause or overcome their difficulty.
For some teens once the problem is identified and a solution in place it is easier (and better for them) to jump in and return to school full time rather than an hour at a time.
For other teens they may need to return gradually but with discussion about the time of day and the classes and activities they find easier to attend rather than a standardised return to school plan.
Too many times I have seen students given mismatched strategies for their difficulties.
Every situation needs a tailored plan.
Assumptions are your own worst enemy.
Rather than listening to what helped someone else and trying that strategy, you need to listen to your teen.
Not every teen with anxiety about attending school has separation anxiety.
Not every teen who games refuses school so they can game more.
Not every teen with autism who school refuses has PDA or is in autistic burnout.
You need to know your kid, where they are at, why they are refusing school and gradually step by step work them through a combination of strategies in the right order that will help them get to school.
How do you do this?
Through curious, collaborative coaching conversations with your teen that identify the problem.
Collaborative conversations with school staff if needed.
Therapist support for your teen and family if needed.
If you are wanting to learn more about how to understand your teen’s school refusal or reluctance and work with them to bring back Monday morning ease without giving in or ignoring the problem then I have a specialised parent training next week for you. Spots are limited. Click here to register.
This training is for you if you want to take the time to build resilience into your teen by helping them with the underlying causes of their school refusal or reluctance.
It requires some deeper thinking and really knowing and connecting with your teen.
It’s not for you if you are just looking for the right “my way or the highway” directives.
But if you want to learn to really understand and connect with your teen again rather than get caught in the forever nagging or stress cycles click here and join me at the live school reluctance training coming up soon.
