Words Matter

When your teen swears at you or calls you a terrible parent, it hurts. 

It’s hard to hear. 

Advice from others to “not take it personally” can help a little… but it still hurts. 

Because words matter. 

Their words to you matter. 

I see you. 

It’s hard. 

But what’s also hard…is to not bite back…especially when you’re tired and busy or they hurt their siblings. 

Your words to them matter too. 

We all carry the words of our parents for the rest of our lives. 

You know this as an adult. 

Think about it for a minute…  

…you can probably still hear your parents' voice in your head, whether you like it or not. 

It can be hard to see the impact of your words on your teen when they seem to not listen, throw in their earbuds, or shrug and walk away. 

But what you say counts. 

Not just for today, but for their whole lives. 

What you say to them, what you think about them, how you respond to them… it follows them. 

That time you yelled, “What’s wrong with you?”…  

It sticks. 

And can come out later in life as an anxiety that deep down “there’s something wrong with me”. 

And while you may already know that what you say counts… 

…the reality of parenting today is that it can be really hard to always be thoughtful about what you say to your teen.  

You can’t be perfect. And it would feel weird and robot like if you were always sunshine and words of positivity over your teen. 

Being perfect or not doesn’t matter. 

But what you say to your teen matters. 

How you repair when you say something in the heat of stress matters. 

And what you think about them underneath all that they throw at you matters. 

You can use your influence to build their resilience. 

The words you use when you respond to your teens' difficulties either create or reinforce negative thoughts about themselves or speak internal strength and resilience into their lives, not just for today but for the future. 

So next time your teen says something hurtful to you I want to encourage you to take a breath, pause, and be thoughtful in your response to them. 

This is why I write these Parent Thinking Space articles for you each week. To take a min to pause and parent on purpose. 

There are certain families where this is harder to do. 

It is more challenging to avoid negative cycles or saying things you don’t mean when a parent and/or teen has ADHD.  

ADHD behaviour at home is very challenging and it's hard to always stay on top of what you want to say to them. 

So to help parents who have ADHD in their household, I'm holding a live training coming up soon about parenting a teen with ADHD. You can register here now. 

In this live online parent training you will learn: 

How to help your teen do what they need to do (chores, organisation, homework, respect). 

How to protect your teen from the hidden dangers of ADHD. 

How to manage the stress of being a parent to a teen with ADHD. 

Places are limited, more info is here.