Why fights over teen rude tone of voice, eye rolls, door slams or chores may go deeper than you think

If you have conflict with your teen over homework, rude tone of voice, eye rolls, or doing chores and you’re worried about the effect this is having on your family relationships this insight is important.

There was a social media trend recently for Father's Day in the US.

The reel showed fathers standing against the wall with their kids. Mums then read out the instructions to step forward if the statement applied.

Kids and dads were asked to step forward if their father has helped them with homework, taken them to the movies, made them breakfast…"

The posts showed fathers standing back against the wall while their children took steps forward.

It was a visual representation of how this generation is trying to parent in ways different to previous generations.

It's also visual representation that we're also in the in-between.

We’re in-between the parenting we have experienced and the type of parenting we want to provide.

And changing this is not as simple as just deciding to do things differently.

It’s easier to show up differently when there’s no stress.

But once the stress of adolescence hits…being the present, patient parent you want to be gets harder.

You can have every intention that you’re going to do things differently to your parents, but this change is tough.

When your teen rolls their eyes and tells you you’re wrong, it’s hard to let them have a voice despite part of you knowing that not being listened to as a teen hurt you.

When they’re moody and grumpy around the house, it’s hard not to tell them to be grateful their lives are good despite knowing that you hated your parents always expected you to be happy.

When they slam the door and there’s a device in the room with them and you can’t default to what your parents did with you and your brain spins or yells for control.

Whether we like it or not, when stress hits we have a natural tendency to default to “old” knowledge rather than new intentions.

Real change often requires noticing the old and replacing with the new.

Parenting in a new way requires not just intention but reflection and internal change.

Which is why this newsletter is called Parent Thinking Space. Because intentional thinking space is required for intentional change. You can get this newsletter emailed to you each week click here.

Here’s something for you to think about today when your teen rolls their eyes, is moody, refuses or slams their door…

What belief systems drive your parenting, where did they come from, and are they helpful to you?

It may surprise you.

If you want more help turning things around in your household you can join the Calm Connection Program and receive parent coaching from me. Book a call here to discuss the program.