Why your teen's shrug can make you want to throw their laptop out the window.

Recently I was on a call with a mum who was trying to work out how to have a coaching conversation with her son.

She wants to change how she approaches his eye rolls and moodiness because she wants to help him make changes to his sleep, device use and mental health with less arguments and nagging.

But she was stuck because she finds herself slipping back into lecturing.

She said she'd spent half the school holidays telling herself she was going to wait for the right moment to have a coaching conversation about her son's sleep and device use before school returned.

When she finally decided to have the conversation, she walked into his room and asked one calm question about what his plan was for getting his sleep back on track before school started...

He shrugged.

"I don't know."

And that one comment sent her off track.

And what started as well intentioned prompting and teaching…

You should really think about gradually changing your sleep before you return to school, because otherwise you will be tired.

…quickly turned into an accidental lecture while her son’s eyes glazed over.

Your device isn’t helping you sleep.

You need to do more exercise and

…get some sunlight during the day it’s better for your mental health…

This mum like many others I have worked with felt defeated.

I’m trying but I keep falling back into lectures because he just won’t listen and change.

She was trying so hard to appear calm on the outside…

But on the inside she was frustrated, annoyed and so angry. Feeling like she is the only one doing anything to help anyone.

On the outside she was trying to keep her tone of voice light and helpful.

On the inside she was holding back the impulse to throw her son's laptop out the window to teach him a real lesson.

She said, "I feel like I'm doing everything, and he's not doing his part."

Going into it further, we discovered she doesn't just feel that way with her son.

She feels that way at work.

In her marriage.

In her friendships.

Constantly giving.

Constantly carrying responsibility.

And the intensity of all of that was making it almost impossible for her to have a coaching conversation.

You see, on the surface, coaching conversations seem simple enough.

Stay calm.

Listen.

Ask thoughtful questions that help your teen think through the problem and come up with their own solutions.

But the reality is that it's the emotions behind the coaching conversation that determine whether it succeeds or not.

Pretending to be calm just doesn't work.

Getting to the root cause of why you're feeling so frustrated, overwhelmed or angry is important.

Otherwise those emotions seep into the conversation... or they railroad it entirely.

This is what I help parents with inside the Calm Connection Program.

Not just what to say, but how to genuinely shift your experience so you can coach your teen towards better decisions and taking responsibility.

Because the change you want in your teen's device use, behaviour or emotional resilience starts with supporting you.

If this is the kind of change you're looking for, let's talk.

​Click here​ to book a call time with me to discuss how parent coaching inside the Calm Connection Program works.